Against nature

It’s been a month since 2014 begins; yet we’re close to another new beginning — year of the horse. All these don’t mean much to me. Life sucks anyway: work is busy but unrewarding, my everyday life lacks excitement, … These are just a few of the many setbacks in my life for the past few months. Steve Jobs said if life sucks too many days in a row, it’s time to change something. I think it’s a reasonable time for me to change something now. What should that be?

There was a time when I talked about my boring life with a friend, and got some useful feedback: if you find your life too dull, you either do something more interesting, or adapt to it. You don’t need to accept boredom; instead you should look for those interesting moments out of an otherwise boring life and intensify them. It could be a nice cup of coffee at a so-so restaurant, a pretentious photo you’re able to take at an ordinary place you visit every day (I’m sure the word “pretentious” didn’t come from that friend’s mouth), or even just a “thanks” from a new patient.

Of course, those things are easier said than done. I heard that advice like two or three years ago, but I’m still constantly affected by my mood swings. Worse, I don’t even have the energy to find those extraordinary moments after work. You’ll be surprised how early I go to bed nowadays. I used to go to bed at 2-3 am; now I sleep at 10:30pm. This is against the nature (of K.Chan), but it’s true. I’m officially fucked up.

“A pretentious photo you’re able to take at an ordinary place you visit every day”

Coffee mania

If you don’t know about my craze for coffee, you don’t know K.Chan at all. Since a very long time ago I’ve developed a dependence on coffee. That dependence was initially for waking myself up, thanks to the busy schedule and homework of an average high school student in HK. That dependence soon transformed into one as a medium to mingle with friends. I bet no LaSallian would say they don’t have an emotional attachment to the (old) PCC at Festival Walk. Remember our good old says at the (two) large PCC(s), one being the shop now occupied by Vivienne Westwood, the other being the size of IT plus HSBC SMB centre?

As I grew up the function of coffee had once again changed from being social back to being personal — for calming myself. Yes, studies say the scent of coffee could trigger release of endorphine which somehow calms us down and gives the feeling of happiness. (Don’t ask me how. I’m a dentist, not a doctor.) And now every time I’ve finished a third molar surgery, I drink one cup of coffee as a reward for my good work.

And as work gets more busy, the function of coffee goes back to the basic — to keep myself awake. Yes, I had been very enthusiastic about work during my first year as a dentist. But as things become a routine, and there are little excitement in life, I get more and more tired both physically and emotionally each day. So I drink a lot coffee to stimulate my mood.

But the thing is, do I need to keep myself so awake?

I’ve hit a number of setbacks in work lately. People and policy have changed. Sometimes, I just wish I was back in the good old days, when I was still fresh and keen on exploring everything. Put it simply, I badly need some excitement in life. How to I find some?

Written on my iPhone