Once again I’ve lost focus in life. I’m not in particular determined to study, nor am I interested in indulging myself in other interests, such as photography, blogging, and so on. I feel like a machine, going to work routinely, and punctually, every day, doing the same kind of dutiful things which often are of low return, and when I get home, I get dead tired and go to bed early.

That’s not the typical stylish life K.Chan used to live. In the old days, K.Chan also got up early and go to school on time, but when school finished, he’d go to a Starbucks to enjoy an evening sip of coffee, sometimes reading a dental article, sometimes working on materials for an English tuition he was about to give, and sometimes just meditating. And when he was back to where he lived, he never went to bed early. He poured himself a small glass of wine and thought things. Not until 2-3 am would he finally get tired and go to bed. That’s how one should consume life.

And even if work confines one’s lifestyle, such that one needs to behave like a machine, one should choose to work like a beautiful old Leica camera — to execute things with aesthetic, precision and proficiency. But now, the way that I work, the life that I live, is no different from a crappy, poorly made Pentax Chinese point-and-shoot.

So, my focus is lost; my pride is in jeopardy. But perhaps I shouldn’t feel too upset, because in photography while most of the time we really want razor-sharp focus, sometimes it is the out of focus area, the bokeh, that truly appeals to others. And yes, a beautiful old Leica camera doesn’t have auto focus. You have to focus manually. The same applies in life too. If you’ve lost focus, you refocus for yourself.