Author Archives: anzyme

Finding focus again

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My journey in photography began, like many others, with a CCD point-and-shoot that captured 5 megapixels of blurry, grainy shit that I never wanted to look at again. Later came the enthusiast compacts, and then, at last, my first interchangeable-lens camera: a Micro Four Thirds.

I loved that system immensely. The bodies were small but capable, the IBIS was superb, the primes were light and fast, and the second-hand market was vibrant. But time passed, and I began to crave something more. I upgraded to a Sony full-frame.

My A7III felt invincible: lightning-fast autofocus, deep dynamic range, flawless results in near darkness. It was the camera that could do everything, until I realised that doing everything doesn’t always mean feeling something. Travel with it long enough, and the weight starts to shift, not only on your shoulders, but on your spirit.

I adored the images, but not the process. The ritual of offloading RAW files, of editing for hours, of trying to reconstruct the emotion I had once felt — it all began to feel like work. It just couldn’t freeze the moment I experienced and let me relive it later.

That’s where phone apps like Dazz Cam began to shine. On recent trips, I found myself posting more photos taken on my iPhone than on my camera. And when I want to relive a particular moment, those are often the images I revisit, not the technically perfect RAW files.

Still, I couldn’t let go of “real” cameras. I considered going back to Micro Four Thirds, but its evolution had stalled. Then came an insight: perhaps APS-C is the sweet spot. Modern sensor tech should give enough dynamic range and noise control even in smaller sensors. Especially in a system designed only for APS-C, where lenses can be made smaller and lighter without having to accommodate full-frame constraints like flange distance.

So I followed my belief. I first picked up a Ricoh GR IIIx, then a Fujifilm X-E5. I’ve loved both without hesitation, and the image quality has more than met my expectations.

Many Gen Z now chase nostalgia, returning to early digital CCDs in search of “soul”. I understand the sentiment, but I’ve lived through that era: the slow focus, the grainy files, the disappointment disguised as charm. I’m not interested in recreating limitations. I’m interested in rediscovering joy.

In finding less, I think I’ve found more.

Shot on iPhone

Alex Dunphy

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Alex Dunphy in Modern Family might not be the cutest kid in the show. (I can’t decide if that goes to Lily or Luke.) But her character is the most unfortunate and most relatable. She was smart, diligent and excelled in school. But as the show went on, her academic success didn’t lead to the thriving career or fulfilling life she once imagined. Her career stumbled, her relationships faltered, and she never seemed quite at ease in her own life.

It was a quiet kind of failure — not dramatic, but unsettling. We were all told that if we just work hard and follow the rules, everything else will fall into place. But for some, like Alex, it just doesn’t. Academic success doesn’t always lead to professional or personal fulfilment. In fact, the pressure to excel can come at the cost of social connection, spontaneity and emotional growth.

Alex represented a particular type of person: the kind who is praised early on for being exceptional, only to grow up and realise that the world doesn’t reward you for being clever and diligent. It rewards confidence, charm, and worse, in Hong Kong’s case, timing and luck.

And maybe that’s the saddest part. She wasn’t a tragic character. She was just someone who did everything right, and still ended up feeling lost.

“A city is never boring, unless you are.”

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I said this a few years ago after visiting Nagoya. Even in less glamorous parts of Japan, I realized you can always find something to enjoy. I’d say the same for Kyushu after my first trip there. But mood really shapes how a trip feels.

The trip began in Kumamoto. I had low expectations, but it turned out to be great for two of my favorite things: coffee and food. I stumbled upon a roastery called A Blue Coffee on Google Maps and was quite looking forward to it—only to find it had closed. Another quick search brought me to AndCoffeeRoasters, a place with a good vibe that accommodated a last-minute change of plans due to heavy rain.

I didn’t visit the famous Kumamoto Castle. In fact, I’ve started skipping most tourist spots in Japan—just like how I never returned to Asakusa Shrine after a quick visit years ago. And I think I was right. Later in Yufuin, I had to choose between visiting a promising-looking contemporary art museum, or wandering the recommended shopping streets. For some reason, I picked the latter and instantly regretted it.

The theme of this trip was sakura. I’m glad I caught cherry blossoms two years in a row, and also managed to see both autumn foliage and sakura back-to-back. I even got to see nemophila again since it bloomed early this year. All in all, Kyushu’s a great place for sakura: plenty of beautiful spots, fewer tourists.

Back in Hong Kong, I returned to my dull, repetitive life. I used to know someone who bragged about going to TST every day. (Still not sure why that was brag-worthy.) If I see him again, I’d tell him I, too, go there every day now. TST has everything I need—close to home, lots of parking, food, cafes I like. But still, this isn’t the life I want. I hate repetition. Dentistry and Endo are dull; so is my life. In a way, I became the subject of my own criticism. Hong Kong probably still has fun to offer, I just don’t always have the capacity to enjoy myself.

21

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It has been almost 21 years since I first published on this site. If this site were a human, it would have reached legal age everywhere. No more restrictions on drinking, smoking, anal sex, or anything else. Adults don’t need restrictions because they automatically choose more carefully what to do and what not to do.

The same is true for this site. I used to share every thought of mine on this site. I even made this site’s motto back then “my thoughts in plain text”. But as time passed, I realized that not everyone is interested in what I think, and I’m not interested in letting everyone know what I think either. So I resorted to only sharing articulated thoughts.

As one slowly matures, reality kicks in, and things, exciting or not, become routine in life. One bears more responsibility than self-actualization. So there’s not much to share in life.

Life is not very exciting these days. My glass has become more half-empty than ever. True, there have been triumphant moments, such as being the first author of a journal article, graduating MDS, and passing another membership exam. But as one grows up, one realizes that those are not really triumphs, but consequences of personal responsibility. The more one analyzes impassively, the less exciting things in life become.

Now, I want to challenge myself, not academically, but in terms of personal growth. How can I learn to appreciate my own personal achievements and the little things in life that, when added up, may equal a big triumphant moment?

Dreams

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A few months ago I watched the ending Derry Girls on Netflix. Commenting on their growing up and the future of Northern Ireland, Erin had a monologue that went something like this:

There’s a part of me that wishes everything could just stay the same… No matter how scary it is, we have to move on and we have to grow up because things might just change for the better… And if our dreams get broken along the way, we have to make new ones from the pieces.

This post is dedicated to the 20th anniversary of this site. Despite some of my humble achievements throughout the years, I’ve certainly done things I’m not proud of. Some juvenile comments I’ve posted in the earlier versions of this site were the best examples. That’s why in 2012, the year of my graduation and the official start of my adult life, I rebooted this site and got rid of all the old posts which were potentially embarrassing at best. At first the site looked so empty, but another 11 years has passed and now we have about 100 posts in this site. Not too many, but I guess not too bad either. Some of them (1, 2) are in fact my favourite of all time.

So, the evolution of this site, which reflects my personal growth, partly fulfilled Erin’s insights. Growing up was indeed scary for me, but at the end, I ended up in a position that’s not bad. This year is that it’s going to be my second graduation (hopefully). What will this take me into? How will I, this site and everyone else evolve? That’s another question. I’m glad that things turned out OK for Erin and Northern Ireland. But what about me and our beloved city?

Counting down

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2022 is coming to an end. It’s time for a quick summary. Or, this isn’t really a summary, but a recap, because there’s no content on this site to summarize in 2022.

At the start of 2022, the most amazing in tennis happened — Rafa won the Australian Open. He went on to win his 14th French title. Sure, tennis fans all enjoyed the joy of his victory. But every time Rafa wins a title, people are asking if it would be his last. As Rafa makes history, his day of retirement is on the countdown. Speaking of retirement, Roger announced his retirement three months ago. Before that, everyone thought he’s going to play professionally one last time. But he didn’t. So, again, you never know when’s the last time certain good things happen.

I’ve advanced to M3 in 2022, and only one more semester to go. So my MDS life is also counting down. My second last post was about MDS being a long vacation I’m enjoying. Sadly, with graduation approaching, works are beginning to pile up, making student life no longer a source of pleasure but pressure. An interesting fact I was reminded of is that this is my eighth year studying at HKU, making HKU to surpass LSC as the school I’ve been in the longest time. But right now, I really don’t want to stay any longer.

Another thing that I hope is on the countdown is Covid. Sure, many places around the world have resumed to normal, but not in HK. In fact, I doubt that HK will ever become “normal” again. But at least let’s hope that we don’t have to wear a mask, do PCR/RAT, lose our confidentiality, etc. all the time.

So, there you have it. A list of things to countdown: Rafa, MDS life, Covid, and 2022 itself. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. Let’s not hope that this site is also on the countdown.

Miseries in life

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Without realising it, summer 2021 has ended. In the past we knew it’s summer when we had holidays and roamed over the sweating hot streets in Mongkok, not knowing (and couldn’t care less) what would happen next. You know you’ve grown up when friends are even busier in August, a month meant for relaxation in the past.

For a certain adult who experienced enough midlife crisis that he went back to school, full-time, he certainly enjoyed a month off in August. But that did not necessarily mean he could care nothing about what happens next. Being an adult means one carries so much burden that life simply cannot pause. When one endeavour offers you a break, another responsibility arises and consumes every bit of your soul. That’s what being an adult means.

When do we take a break? For the lucky ones, they finally earn everything they’ll possibility need at their 50s or 60s and retire, in exchange for their youth and, sadly, their innocent and pure souls. They then “enjoy” (the remainder of) life, with an exhausted body that can barely move. If they’re rich enough, they can afford fancy luxuries that they couldn’t buy when they were young, like a sports car, Leica cameras, or vacations on first-class flights and in 5-star hotels. But they only get to enjoy such luxuries in a body with grey hair, rheumatoid arthritis and hypertension.

But remember, the above is already for the lucky ones. For those unfortunate souls, they die early; or worse, their loved ones died early. That’s how gloomy I suddenly realized life is.

How to avoid disappointments and regrets? SJ offered a solution in a motivating speech: live life as if every day is your last. That way, we focus on what’s really important, what we are truly passionate about, and put aside things we don’t care.

Long vacation

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Long Vacation (1996) is undoubtedly one of the most celebrated Japanese dramas of all times.

In the series, a long vacation referred to the low tides in life. There are times when we lost focus. Day after day, we dutifully do meaningless, repetitive tasks, tasks that we don’t know what they’re for, what we can get out of them, and which certainly have no chance of doing anything good for society. We often question why we wish to continue; yet seldom do we have the motivation nor the guts to step up and change. The show maintained that it’s perfectly okay for us to get lost. We can enjoy such times and consider it a long vacation for ourselves. When the right time comes, we’ll know it, and finally step up and end this long vacation.

I haven’t updated my blog since May last year. What’s new? Well I’ve started a new chapter in life and went back to HKU to study. While this indeed put an end to my lost life I’ve lived for the past few years, I’m not sure if my previous life or this new life is a long vacation. Some may think studying full-time Mon-Fri and going to work on weekends is very demanding, I’d say this is nothing compared to working full-time and bearing all that stress. So this student life 2.0 could be another form of long vacation for me, a long vacation that doesn’t involve feeling lost. I know this vacation will one day end and I’ll return to work. But who knows? Maybe this time after my vacation ends, I’ll return to a regular life that I don’t feel lost, just like the characters did in Long Vacation the TV series.

Btw, this site has turned 18 today. Maybe it can finally show porn?

Windows 10

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The most extraordinary happened because of the most extraordinary reason: I started using Windows 10 a few months ago, because I’m playing PC games.

Windows 10 has a modern and clean interface of all Windows ever. You can tell Microsoft has abandoned its past and truly worked on something new. In fact, I think the UI is more modern than that of MacOS. And it’s stable enough that running Windows no longer feels as compromised as before.

The killer app in Windows 10 is perhaps the new Chromium based Edge browser. It’s no longer IE; it’s not the useless first versions of Edge; it’s not Chrome either. It’s fast like Chrome, but it offers a peace of mind that your online profile isn’t entirely controlled by Google.

When using Windows 10, I rediscovered good things about Windows itself. If there’s one thing Windows do better than the Mac, it’s full screen apps. Full screen apps on the Mac is a joke. They try to get you focused by treating full screen apps as an entirely new desktop. But in that way you’re disconnected from the rest of your tasks, when the reason of using desktop (rather than tablets) these days is better multitasking. But in Windows, every app can be maximized by default, meaning every app is optimized as a full screen app. Double clicking anywhere on the title bar (rather than clicking a small green dot on the Mac) and the window is made full-screen. Clicking the large app icon on the start menu and the window is minimized. In my opinion that’s how full screen apps should work.

Of course, deep down when we talk about the core technologies, Windows still lags behind the Mac. E.g., DLL sucks; font rendering sucks; virus sucks. But my point is, after using and rediscovering Windows over the past few months, using Windows in 2020 feels less of a compromise than it did a decade ago.

Social distancing

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Just as people thought social atmosphere couldn’t have been worse amid HK’s protests last December, things hit rockbottom these days, with the global outbreak of COVID-19.

Travelling is banned. Ordering takeouts become a norm. Social gatherings become a taboo.

I guess everyone in society is somehow affected by the disease. I have an acquaintance whose favourite activities are all banned: going to fitness classes, large group gatherings, going to the cinema, you name it. For me, I don’t do those activities a lot, but business is indeed worse these days. Everyone has to suffer.

Yet social distancing shouldn’t be that much of a hassle. I’ve always thought the collective intelligence of a group is less than the sum of the individuals’. When we’re alone, instead of missing the days we hang out with friends, it perhaps is a good idea to clear our thoughts and prepare what’s next. Learning to be alone, enjoying to be alone without feeling lonely, those are the cures for isolation depression.

Please stay safe everyone.