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Angels and demons September 29, 2011
First of all, this is not about the film "Angels and Demons (2009)". It's about my personal life, especially the many adversities I'm in.
If there's a festival I ought to hate, it's Christmas, for I've never lived a happy Christmas. I know Christmas means the birth of Jesus; everything else is secondary. I agree that Christmas brings hope on earth. But to me, Christmas means loneliness and sufferings.
If there's a season I ought to hate, it's summer. I've never enjoyed summer, for it's hot and humid, and everyone talks about outdoor "fun", which I hate. Winter is more natural to one with a miserable personality.
And if there's a month I ought to hate, it's September. For years, September has signified big changes which suffocate me. Not only does the environment around me, and maybe school, change, people also change. When it comes to changes, more harm than good tends to occur. This is because we live in an imperfect world. Things tend to go unordered. Humans are all evil. So whenever changes occur, people try to escape from their orderly life and go wild. That's when bad changes occur.
Yes, I hate Christmas, I hate summer, I hate September. What? So that leaves only very little time in a year you would truly enjoy? Correct. If you consider the K.Chan you know, you wouldn't be too surprised about this. How often have you seen me truly happy? Well, perhaps after I'm drunk.
During those bad times, there could be angels out there to save us. I've seen some through the years, the most recent happening being today, when typhoon signal no. 8 was in effect. But the sad thing is, many bad things could also happen on a typhoon day. Yes, if there is a day I should hate, it's typhoon-no.8 (or above) days. Every time I'm at hall when typhoon comes, I can do nothing, nor is there anything to eat. There is nowhere to go, nor is there anyone to spend time with. "There're angels out there, but demons prevail". That's what I said today, and it's very true.
What's worse, those who were once angels could one day turn into demons. When that happens, and if we're so attached to the good side of them, we will be disappointed. "You weren't like that before," we may say. But an answer is always prepared, "sooner or later things will change". And remember what I said about changes? When it comes to changes, more harm than good tends to occur.
Midnight in Pokfulam September 21, 2011
I watched two really good films lately: One Day and Midnight in Paris. Both movies excel in the way that they're subtle and authentic, yet bringing the audience to a world that is not perceived nowadays. I'm particularly fond of Midnight in Paris - partly because it helped me spend a night alone. But I also agree with what it says. There're always people in a time who're not satisfied with their present lives and want to go back to a time in the (relatively) distant past, a time before he was born, which he thinks would be a better world. But the thing is, people at those older times were also not satisfied with those times, and would like to go to another time which they think would be best for themselves. Two fundamental problems here. First, it's impossible to go back to the past. Second, we may think we want to go to another time dimension, but then when we can do that, we may discover other problems in our "dream time", and only to get disappointed.
That is what's described in the film. For our real lives, people also go back to the past - of course not literally. What I mean is we sometimes are too attached to the past, thinking the past is better than present. This is the natural consequence of a good function in the human brain, that we can always filter out bad memories and remember only the good ones. This way, the past is always better. But try to think: for example, the days back in high school may be good, but there were no iPhone/iPad at that time. How can we possibly survive a 30-minute train journey without our iPhones these days. So the old days are not always good. What we should do, is to try to live at the present moment.
* * *
In the movie, midnight in Paris was so charming. On the contrary, what I'm doing in the midnight in Pokfulam is simply dull and monotonous. And I'm also dissatisfied with my present life. The good quality I built in summer, i.e. the ability to self-heal and be alone (rather than be lonely), has gone. Life is so difficult in the day, and certainly not better at night. And even when I'm relatively free, like today, when school finished at 4 pm, rather than going back to relax I found myself so lost, having no clue what to do. I asked a few people if I missed anything important to do. There were none. So I went back to hall, feeling empty, and started to complain to myself about my life again. Why is life so difficult? Why are changes so unpredictable? I thought with certain achievements fulfilled things would only get better in my final year, but now, I'm entangled in growing pain. How can we escape from pain? As a dentist-to-be, I know about how to relieve physical pain only too well. But I don't know how to relieve my present inner pain. I've never known. I'm sorry I have to disagree with what I said above. To live at the present moment is not enough. We should explore options for the future. It's simply impossible to live like this. I need a change.
Old memories spring back September 16, 2011
A lot of old memories come up my mind tonight. It started when I listened to some old old songs. I then started seeing some old photos, and old files in my hard disk. Sometimes remembering the old days is a way to evaluate what we've done in the past, and see how we perform today, whether we have actually improved. But tonight, those memories are purely nostalgic. I just start to miss some old friends and want to meet them again desperately. My old tutors, Patrick (I never called him P.Chan) and Simon Chiang, are included. Well, given that I used to be their favourite student (for answering questions in class), I guess I have every reason to miss them and want to reunite with them, or perhaps even buy them lunch. When's the best moment to do that? Now? Christmas? Next summer? I don't know, but let this be my new-year resolution. (What? You talk about new-year resolution in September? Is that for 2012?) No. To be honest, I remember I tried very hard to come up with a list of new-year must-dos in January, but I failed to do that. But I guess what I can do now, is to start writing a list of what I want to do right after I graduate. And I think reuniting with Patrick and Simon is an appropriate item.
Another thing: see the crystal ball below. Doesn't that look gorgeous? I bought that years ago, for a friend. Well, it just looks beautiful.
For better or worse September 2, 2011
My final year finally begins. Candidates for this entry's title include: "September", "Final year begins", "Nervousness", "Panic (Xth)", and even "Hope". But none of them better implies the complexity of impression I have about final year. Final year means every day is the fifth and final (e.g. 1/9 is the fifth and final 1/9, etc.). It indicates that we need to treasure our time doing everything, eat, pray, love, and even wasting time, you name it. It also means that we need to finish everything quick, like taking key skills, finishing log cases, ... If we look at things along this direction, the fifth year is a pain in the ass.
Yet, final year is so much fun. First of all, CHRISTMAS HOLIDAY, for FOUR full weeks in Dec-Jan, for the first time in five years. Next, electives, a three-week getaway to any place in the world (that is, anywhere with a dental school). No more school in July! Just considering these three treats can make one forget every bitterness he has tasted throughout the past four years. Yes, final year is a year for ultimate learning; it's also a year for relaxation and fun.
One thing is also exciting. If everything goes smoothly, next Sept 1 there will be no more "going back to school". Instead, we open a new page in life and start working as dentists. This is challenging, but equally exciting.
Am I ready for year 5 then? (After all, contrary to previous years, I now sound so much at ease when talking about going back to school.) Not quite, actually. But I've allowed myself one week for adjusting my mindset. Hopefully one week later, I'll become a true final year student and do the right thing every moment.
PS There were (76930-75350) 1580 visits in August, or 54.5 visits per day. Thanks.
