December 13, 2025
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Endless pain May 17, 2011
My life is entangled in endless pain lately. It seems that things have been getting worse, and this pain shows no sign of cessation. When I thought things couldn't be worse, worse news came - PP got no air con, and it is not expected to function properly for the next two weeks. Working in clinic without air con is ultimate pain. In paedo I could still not wear a gown, but in cons clinic, seeing all those aerosol and blood, I just can't stand not wearing a gown. So basically, I'm in great pain today.
And then I got some real troublesome cases to see these days. I don't know why, but there's a certain people who just don't clean their teeth at all, and end up getting serious periodontal disease. Well, if they lose their teeth, I don't care. But when they come to me and ask me to fix them, I expect full cooperation from my patents. The fact is, they don't care either. They just don't. And I get really frustrated because they just waste my time.
And then there's pressure from exam. You see, exam will come in less than three weeks. I must say, this is the worst case scenario I've been in so far. We hardly have time to study these days. Every day we have to go to school, and when we finally leave school, we just can't study. I'm dead.
I know I'm kind of having an emotional crisis lately. I exaggerate every bad thing that happen on me - I tend to prepare for the worst when I face everything. There's hardly any good news, any fun in my present life. I need a break, a long long one; one that is long enough for me to totally forget about Dentistry and relax, and probably go on a trip. But then I know that when I finally got the time, I won't get company. This is my life, my hopeless life.
PS I thought about expressing my frustration in more sophisticated language like I did before, but because I'm just too frustrated, I can't.
No way out May 7, 2011
So, my life is dominated by a series of unfortunate events lately. Those who know me know how hopeless I feel, so those unfortunate events deserve no further description here. My point is, if you know how bored and unhappy I feel this year, you know that next year is going to be worse for me. Things will repeat, and as things repeat, I can further deduce how worse things will further become, and I just feel worse. I haven't felt such kind of hopelessness ever since F.7. Again, things will only get worse next year.
Why is light given to those in misery, and life to the bitter of soul? I have no intention to feel bad about myself. I'm not arrogant, but I know I've always tried to do everything perfectly. I've never done things harmful to others. In this sense I'm not a bad person. But why must I suffer? Why can I not enjoy the same level of luck and happiness others enjoy? When will luck come to me? Or have I exhausted all my luck already? God tell me all these. Bless me. Save me.
May May 1, 2011
Those who know me knows that when I'm in pain, it's a disaster for me. Well, I may appear to others that I'm able to deal with strain, but I'm not. Inside, I'm weak. The sense of insecurity, loneliness and disappointment constantly threatens me. Sometimes, I really wish I'm a more cheerful person, or a tougher person, both of whom know exactly how to deal with difficulties in life. Sadly, despite constant trying, I know I can't become one, because I'm born to suffer from sadness and pain.
But when we talk about whether a cheerful person or tough person copes with stress better, it's an interesting story. Can't you see the difference? These two types of person are in two polarities when it comes to coping with stress. A tough person chooses to face and fight the adversities, while a cheerful person often chooses to forget and focus on something else instead. Which is better? I don't have the conclusion yet, because I'd rather be a third type of person - one who faces more luck and less adversities. I don't dream to be a person born to enjoy luck. I just hope that I have less adversities in life and spend more time with my loved ones and friends.
However, my emotional crises are not the only threat I'm facing now. There're more problems. For example, I failed to pass perio key skill (meaning I didn't fail, though), public health deadline is imminent, exam is coming in a month, … All things are putting my tolerance and capacity to the test. This will be the worst May I've ever faced.
PS There's been (71549-70744) 805 visits from Apr 8 to today, or 35 visits per day. What?!
