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December 13, 2025
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Cost of freedom
June 24, 2011

With BDS IV finals coming to an end, I'm once again enjoying freedom. Most of us enjoy a lot of fun in summer - going on trips, spending time and money vigorously. I have never enjoyed such a privilege, however. Throughout the years, tragedies are bound to occur in summer. That's why I have never really enjoyed summer. To me, summer means worries, uncertainties, and sometimes, pain. Don't think changing the way you live can walk you out of the predicament - I tried, but it didn't work. The end of exam just shifts my focus to something worse: the need to face harsh facts in life. I'm tired of fighting for betterment. I don't need drama in my life; I just want to be carefree and enjoy every ordinary moment. But this is not my fate. I don't live in a Hollywood movie, with happy endings guaranteed. My life is more like one of those tragedies or haunted films, in which things can only get worse and worse.

I was right. I can hardly write anything at happy and stable times. Only suffering moments stimulate writing.

Birthday wishes
June 23, 2011

OK, this is not a reminder of my birthday. When I say birthday wishes, given that I'm going to be 23, it would be something I desperately want, but could hardly be fulfilled. It would not be those simple wishes like getting an iPhone/iPad. Sometimes, we need miracles to make things happen. And right now I need one more than ever. But I know what I wish cannot be fulfilled. I'm losing hope. Bday had sometimes given me hope. What about this time? Let's not be over optimistic. Let's just hope that God is still with me.

Devastation
June 22, 2011

It was nine days ago since I last blogged. How are you, Kevin? I'm good, considering that exam is finally over. As I've said, the pain brought by dental exam is unimaginable. You're subjected to constant pressure starting two months before exam, and that pressure only escalates over time. Worse, after taking two written papers, you have to wait two weeks before another assessment. Such a long waiting period is also a torment. I just don't understand why they can't just put every exam together within a week..

So right after exam, we were still not free - we had a public health meeting instead, which is another torture. We already diminished our torture by excluding Gao from the list. Anyway feeling so empty after the meeting, I went to IFC to watch Something borrowed, which was good. But that's it. No more post-exam activities for today. I bought some cheap sushi and a bottle of riesling and went back to hall afterwards. Catching a bus amid typhoon no.3 is fun, though.

That movie gave me some insights though. Right now, I'm overwhelmed by relationship problems - not mine, but my friends'. What makes me feel really bad is that every year some dental friends tend to have problems, and those problems are created out of exam. Dental exams give us tremendous pressure that some of us just can't deal with, and it becomes easy to release our stress, our rage, through other channels. Dental exams really hurt people, I mean it. The movie is related to my real life in that some friends face a similar scenario. People tend to judge, but then if we adopt another perspective, we see things so differently. This is one. And two, more fundamentally, why should we judge? Who are we? I guess no one should really judge. We should just do our very best and not repeat what we perceive as mistakes.




Finals
June 13, 2011

So, I've completed 3 final papers so far. How does it feel? To be honest, it feels bad. This is especially true when you have finished two papers, and have to study for a third (public health), which has nothing to do with clinical dentistry. And it feels even worse when, after being subjected to constant stress for a whole week, you still have another exam in one week. I'd say year 4 is really the most stressful year..

What are my activities after public health paper today then? Nothing. Basically I just wasted the whole day doing nothing. Hmm, this is better than doing something you don't want to do.

And you know what? One usually looks forwards to post-exam life. Not for me though. I feel headache every time I remember I still have to book patients in after exam. And then I think of hey skill, log cases, … I'd rather post-exam days not come.

OK, enough of complaints. I should enjoy June; after all, my birthday comes in two weeks. But sorry, I'm not excited at all. I'm not primary school chicken anymore, so why should I feel excited about bday? And shall I get a bday present for myself? Well, a mbp with whole new design would be good, provided that I got the money.

Getting close
June 4, 2011

Well well well, it's June. And it's Jun 4. This means there's only little time left before exam. And I am getting so nervous these days. It's not the first time I feel nervous before exam, but this time I really think it's different (though I say this every time). Let's revisit what I've said last June:

"No matter what, I hate dental exams. It deprives me of freedom, and so much more. It's practically a barrier to human connection."

This is still true. In fact, dental exam deprives me of one more thing this year - the chance to watch WWDC live! You know, Steve's keynote is on Jun 6, or Jun 7 early morning HK time. My exam is on Jun 7! Damn. OK, I don't give it a damn ---- let's watch it.

What's my plan for summer then? Easy. As usual, I'll be doing absolutely nothing.

PS There were (72666-71549) 1117 visits in May, or 32.9 per day. Thanks.



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