March 26, 2026
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Depression and periodontal disease July 29, 2011
Starting from some time ago, I occasionally evaluate my state of mental health. I think you don't know me if you didn't know that I have a depression trait. It doesn't really mean I have the clinical diagnosis of depression, but somehow it's hard for me to be satisfied with my life. In the old days, I tended to think my life is full of imperfections. But then I realized when you don't develop and self-propagate the idea that you're being miserable, you aren't. This helped, and I've been feeling good for the most part of July.
But then when I think about whether the feeling of depression would recur, I realized that depression shares many similarities with periodontal disease:
Even if you go to the professional, they can't do much. The dentist removes calculus and relies on the patient to clean well at home; a psychologist at best analyses the problem and suggest ways for the individual to cope with the matter;
Once you've got the trait, even when treated, you're predisposed to such a problem for the rest of your life;
External (environmental) factors only contribute to part of the disease progression. Genetics termines whether or not one has such a problem ultimately. People with interleukin-1 pleomorphism have significantly greater chance of developing periodontitis; individuals who have a miserable personality tend to be depressed (clinical or sub-clinical).
Well? So, happiness is not guaranteed. Sometimes we need to create happiness for ourselves.
Further decisions, OS X Lion July 24, 2011
So, I've made a few more decisions. These are not so much related to life though. One, I decided to buy and install Lion. At first I thought it would drastically slow down my system, but then that wasn't the case. Some part is slowed down, but other parts are accelerated. For instance, I can now play videos full screen, and is able to run Aperture in a slow but acceptable speed (it was dead slow before).
Of course I won't stay with my four-year-old-plus mac forever. I had been thinking about getting a new MBP 13" before, but recent change of thought has made me turned to a 15". But then is buying a 15" a good option? The only reason that I'd like to buy a 15" is for the discrete graphics. But the new mini actually has it! Why shouldn't I get a mac mini? Well, I've now decided to wait for the new mbp, to see what Apple has to offer. If the new MBP 13" sucks, I'll just get a top-tier mini as a temporary measure. I got all the desktop peripherals I need already, why would I need a laptop?
Or would I?
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Some of you may tend to think I used this theme pix (of Stephen Hawking) mainly to show imperfections in life. No. On the contrary, I'd like to point out how people live their live amid imperfections. Yes, this is a positive attitude to life, which is what I'm trying to understand.
Liberal studies corner July 18, 2011
I sometimes have an "English corner" on Twitter, and today I decided to create a liberal studies corner which serves to arouse my readers' attention to what's going on.
Some of you should know that I've been teaching lower form Math for some time. Recently, I've decided to quit. It's not because I think I'm incompetent - I'm more than qualified, given that 4 years of teaching have really sharpened my math skill, and I'm confident enough to solve any math problem of my future children up to F.3 level.. Rather, it's the cruel facts that drove me into this decision. Things have changed lately - the students, the boss, and even myself. Secondary to my recent mood changes, you know, my saying that I've lost interest to everything, I've lost interest in teaching as well. To be honest, teaching Math every Saturday now is a pain in the ass. Something's got to change - remember Steve Jobs saying something like "if you don't really want to continue what you're doing, quit". So, I need to quit.
What's my plan after that then? I'm not sure yet, but I guess now that I don't have to work every weekend, I'll have more time doing what I like to do. My only concern is that I hope I'll still have enough budget for my frequent visit to Starbucks.
Zero accomplishment July 11, 2011
Today is a day of zero accomplishment. I hardly accomplished anything. Ironically this is not a day off. I went to school at 9 am. And I just went to MK for lunch and FW for haircut after lunch. There was some time between lunch and haircut, and I chose to spent that time at FW, which is a substantially better place than MK.
For the most part of my life, I'm told (or have told myself) that I should spend my time efficiently; my schedule should be packed and there should be little idle time. That's why I often get frustrated when I become less efficient on a particular day, or upset when I have a boring day. But recently, following a conversation with a friend, I found that life need not be like that. I don't have to have a packed schedule to feel satisfactory. I just need to be myself; if a particularly day is boring, it's my problem. It's not because others have not entertained me. Is that the right attitude? This way of thinking is radically new to me, so I'm not quite sure yet. But I don't feel very bad today, so I guess this approach worths a try.
New attitude can be troubling July 10, 2011
As mentioned in the last entry, I'm going to take a different attitude to life. I'm going to face my adversities more positively. But this could be troubling because, for the same thing (adversity) I encounter, I have to adjust to think of a different approach to deal with the problem. This confuses me a lot, because I just don't know what to do if not feeling upset.
Btw, here's an article to share. I haven't done this in Anzyme for long, but here it is.
It is July, two weeks after exam ended. It's not a long period of time, but to me, exam seems to be ages ago. Anyway I haven't gained much for the past two weeks. I haven't seen many patients, nor have I read anything important. I'm just recovering from the exhaustion exam brought, and trying to adjust back to normal way of life. This is complicated, because for the past two months I did nothing but revision, so I got to figure out what I should do in this summer. More reading? Maybe, at least the necessary part. But I still need to find ways to enjoy summer. After all, it's the last one for me. So what shall I do? This is even more difficult than an exam question.
The thing is, as pointed out by a friend, it seems that I've lost interest in everything. Regular readers of this blog know the best. When was the last time Anzyme had at least 20 posts in a month? Blogging, and the associated design and graphics components, used to be the centrepiece of my life. I really used to enjoy blogging, because I treasured it as a golden opportunity to express myself, to let myself heard. But now, a lot of times I just sit in front of my desk, staring blankly at the monitor and do nothing or just read some random sites. Why? Because I've lost interest in doing so. "Why should I blog?" "Life is hard enough, I don't want to add any extra burden to it." These are some classic reactions whenever I tried to blog. To be honest, I did try to blog on the few days right after exam, but as I composed, I just didn't want to continue. I just didn't have anything special or important to say. Why? Why is my life so pathetic? I don't know. The only thing I'm sure is that the indifferent attitude I have is not only on blogging but has also extended to other parts of life.
"You've lost the courage to dream," the same friend said. I agreed. I used to have lots of wonders and expectations back at high school, or even in the early days in university. I thought my christmas should be spent in this way, and summer should be spent in that way. Most of those expectations were unrealistic, and therefore over time as I found that they would never be fulfilled and that I would only hurt myself if I ever dreamed about them, I discarded most of them. Looking back, this way of handling expectations has triggered a self-protective mechanism in myself: I tend to have no expectation on anything at all; if something good happens, it's a bonus. This helped to a certain extent. At least I'm rarely disappointed anymore. But in the meantime, I could have missed many wonderful moments that would only occur had I dreamed about them and tried hard to fulfill. So this is a dilemma. On one end of the pendulum I have zero expectation and zero disappointment, but have zero wonderful moment; on the other extreme I have lots of expectations and disproportionately more disappointments, but could theoretically enjoy at least some wonderful moments. Which one should I choose? If I'm 60 years old I'd definitely choose the former. But now I'm still young, so which side should I choose? I've experienced both now, and I can tell that both are painful. So, which one?
There is a quote I recently heard: aim for the Moon; if you miss it, you'll eventually land amongst the stars. Perhaps it's time I swung the pendulum back.
PS There were (74154-72666) 1488 visits in June, or 43.8 visits in June. Thx.
