December 13, 2025
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Key to true happiness October 28, 2010
I'm perhaps the least qualified person to talk about this topic - true happiness, because I don't usually feel happy. Or more precisely, it's not happiness that I don't feel - I'm never content with the present state. Looking at my present situation, I'm not so unlucky. I don't really have family burden; I'll graduate in two years, knowing what I'll be doing afterwards, a job which I don't exactly hate; I have a great girlfriend; what has happened to me isn't so miserable; … I should really feel blessed. Yet, I don't. Small imperfections in life, which, to some, seem nothing at all, turn out to be a big problem to me. I wake up every day, living a hectic life, and may not have the time to think. But when I settle down at night, gloomy thoughts emerge. Those tiny flaws I find are ruining me. They all add up and present to me as big issues, turning what should really be a joyful life pitiful. I'm never satisfied; I just keep asking lots of what-ifs. What if blah blah blah, what if blah blah blah, could my life have been happier?
In fact, the problem I'm presenting here is kind of a breakthrough. I had never realized what drove me into sadness. I just knew I haven't been happy. But now I know. Even the tiniest bit of blemish makes me feel bad. Realizing this, I face an even more serious problem. What if the what-ifs that I ask now are finally fulfilled, the small faults in my life are finally corrected? Will I feel happy then? Or will I find new faults in life, even tinier blemishes that I don't consider problematic at present, and enter a state of eternal sorrow? God, please help me get through all these.
Enjoying life or wasting time? October 26, 2010
So, it's reading week. Life has become boring again lately. What's worse, I don't find any fun in life. Studying is boring, tutoring is unfulfilling, everything sucks. However, I'm glad that even though my life is boring, it's now more organized than before.
Sometimes, I can't help asking myself: what kind of life is ideal to you, K. Chan? You always complain. A friend (who is a serious L) told me that compared to the sorrows in the third world, my sufferings are nothing. Well, perhaps she's right, but the thing is, because we have better living standards, we should have higher expectations for ourselves. The true meaning of life, as we've learnt in A-Level, is that we should always aim high. After certain fulfilment, we aim at what we can achieve next. Up till now, I had experienced true happiness, albeit only for a short period of time. And I intend to experience that again, in a persistent manner, if not a whole new level of happiness. But what's so sad? Well, I always have to wait, and sometimes, the wait is too long. What about others then? Have I ever envied others' happiness? Well, at certain moments, sure; but those moments were transient, for I have finally realized that what's so happy at the superficial level may not have a solid foundation. Sometimes, others may suffer far more than I do.
Missing the old days October 23, 2010
It's 5 am on 24th. Staying up till very very late on Friday/Saturday nights has become my routine. Why? It's not that I can't fall asleep, nor that I don't need so much sleep. I do so because I really need some time to reorganize myself, to feel dissatisfied about the present moments and to review those delightful moments in the past. For example, every Saturday, after having a tough time teaching stupid, unattentive kids, I start to miss the old days, the wonderful time I've sent with my previous students. Well, what can be worse than having been to heaven and then go back to hell?
To me, the best way to reorganize my life is to reorganize files on my computer's desktop. Honestly, it's been in a mess since very long time ago, probably for at least two years. Months after months, I've tried to grab some time to fix this, but I can't. I want to reinstall my mac too, but I just don't have the time to make sure everything's backed up. (Note: I say "make sure everything is backed up. Time Machine is supposed to have everything backed up for me, but I need to make sure this really is the case..) Anyway as I try to move those files, interesting things are often found. It'd be nice to share some of them occasionally, so that I can have more new entries here at Anzyme..
Back to the Mac October 20, 2010
So, I've just watched Apple's live broadcast event. How's it? Well, they talked about Lion, and the new mba. No signs of mbp, which is sad news for me. But I guess that's because if they simultaneously released a new mbp with only subtle upgrade on hardware, and a whole new mba, no one is going to be interested in a new mbp. But I'm still personally optimistic that Apple will give mbps an upgrade before the holiday season, and when that happen I'll finally be able to get a new mac.
One question though: apple is bringing facetime to Mac, why not Windows as well? Eventually they'll do, but I just don't understand why they don't do that now.
四寶丸 October 15, 2010
Once upon a time, I said having routines in life is a good thing. I'm here to abolish what I've said. Repeating the same thing every week is a pain, especially when you don't find any value in what you're doing. It's a consensus that if we don't think what we're doing is right, we may tolerate it for a period of time; but after that period if we still don't like what we're doing, this may suggest it's time for change. Sadly, I don't know what I should change. I don't dislike Dentistry. I know some of my classmates wake up every day, hating the fact that they have to do Dentistry again, but I'm not those persons. Dentistry sometimes frustrates me, but it gives me lots of satisfaction too, especially after I see my paedo patient. (What?! Kevin, this is not your style..)
So, what is to change? Still no idea. I'd just like to say, I really hate my life. When things are counted separately, they're OK. But when things add up together, they just don't work. And I'm in pain.
PS I know I'm not quite articulated today. Don't you think this entry sucks?
A wasted day-off, sth abt ytd October 7, 2010
I've wasted another day-off today. Well, ever since year 4 started, day-off has become a luxury, and I'm determined to spend every day-off effectively - whether leisure or rest or study activities are planned. However, I haven't met any success so far. For example, I didn't wake up until nearly 1 pm today. I decided to go to main library, but I haven't done much there. I appreciated what I did eventually - I gave up reading, headed for Central to have pho, alone, and then went to IFC to buy Yo Mama. I was a bit disappointed that there's no dark chocolate flavour after 9.30, and even more disappointed that for the regular flavour I had, it's also crappy. Well, it seems that things aren't so correct today. So I walked along the piers before I went back to hall. And now, my day is officially declared wasted.
* * *
What about yesterday then? Hmm, I thought it'd be a time-wasting day, given that I would have MOS clinic in the morning with C. Yu, and PBL in the afternoon with Tak Chow, and high table in the evening. However, it wasn't so bad after all. Ken Chiu was absent, and Winnie Choi came instead. It wasn't my turn to do MOS yesterday, but watching Winnie Choi teaching made me feel I at least learnt something. However, I was also quite upset because revisiting how it feels being taught by an effective tutor made me realize how ineffective tutors I met in this new semester have wasted my time. Even more regrettably, it's the last MOS session this semester. Who is teaching in sem 2? Well, let's hope there's no one worse than C. Yu.
In the afternoon I had PBL. For unknown reason(s), Tak Chow changed his attitude and conducted the tutorial much more efficiently. We finished at a record-breaking time (relative to Tak Chow's tutorials only) - 3.30. There were no lack of his "spectacular" expressions of thoughts though. But he was right about at least one thing - when we complained that we couldn't even eat at PBL suite, he said, "things will change, after you're qualified!" Yes, they will. They absolutely will.
And in the evening we went to Police Officers' Club for high table. I didn't expect to know anyone at first, but then being a "magazine" I was, albeit not officially, entitled to sit anywhere I wanted. So I sat with friends and had a nice dinner.
So, this is my life. A busy day sucks less than a day-off.
Starbucks at Tai Po :-S October 3, 2010
So, I went to Starbucks this afternoon. I've always thought the atmosphere at Tai Po's Starbucks is somehow different. The partners' attitude is different, so is the customers'. I think I don't have to repeat that I'm always asked to share a table, which I don't totally mind (and I don't think I'm in the position to mind that either, given that a table with two chairs should indeed accommodate two customers). But today something even more ridiculous and unheard of happened: I was advised to leave and come again for revision at designated time. Apparently I have never encountered similar incidents at other Starbucks. This really surprised me, and therefore, I was quite upset. I decided to have a conversation with the manager to get to know why they came up with such a policy, and also gave her a 20-minute lecture on how I think Starbucks should treat their customers. Yes, the partner and the manager certainly had a bad day, having chosen to ask the wrong customer to leave, but I also took my own risk - reacting so vigorously in public is certainly not a good option these days, given that I may be videotaped and introduced on Youtube or hkgolden forum. But as a loyal customer to Starbucks, I have the right to enjoy Starbucks' services, while also have the responsibility to report any problem I find.
PS There've been (64301-63161) 1140 visits in September, or 38 visits every day. Thanks.