Reviewing the fortune telling at the beginning of 2010, I find that it quite matches with what I've experienced this year. 2010 has been a year with glee and sorrow. I've experienced moments that could be the best in my life; yet I still encountered low tides in life. This sorrow is especially intense when things went so well before fortune is suddenly gone.
Some of you may notice that I've been moody lately. I tried to attribute that to my endless study hours, or lonely holiday. But all these doesn't seem to be the real reason. My sorrow has been there for months, and christmas just makes things worse. No matter what, this is surely the loneliest holiday season I've gone through. This is proofed by the fact that I spent both Christmas Eve and new year eve at hall, having dinner alone. When I see my book, notes and journals, I feel more isolated than ever.
Christmas December 25, 2010
OK, it's christmas. This is probably the loneliest christmas day I've ever spent - basically I stayed at hall for the whole day, studying. Luckily I got Nic's company so that I'm not super lonely. It's strange that I'm extraordinarily efficient today. Perhaps it's because silent night is finally over, meaning that all my fear for the feeling of desolation I was about to experience are now history. Now, I can only hope for a pass in OSCA, and then a true merry christmas next year.
Christmas Eve December 24, 2010
It's christmas eve. In the old days, I always had lots of expectations for Christmas. Christmas used to symbolize hope. And I did experience some moments in christmas that gave me hope. But all these are now insignificant, because those hopes that surfaced at christmas time had all vanished eventually. And then when I entered university, my expectation for what christmases can give me changed, but basically those hopes were unrealistic, and were solely based on personal fulfilment. But for a person like me who has never really enjoyed the glee everyone else experiences in Christmas, my wishes were only very humble; yet, never have they been fulfilled. When everyone else is celebrating peace on Earth, sharing joy with friends and spending happy time with loved ones, I'm the one neglected. I always tried to look at the bright side - maybe next christmas would be different. Well, perhaps they were -- worse. Next christmas is going to be the last christmas in my university life. The fifth-years have no exam in January, so I guess next Christmas I'll be less stressed and can finally enjoy christmas more. Yet, I doubt that it's going to be dramatically more joyful.
Gloom December 19, 2010
I guess it must be a pain for some of you to read my blog, since for the past few weeks I say words like "sad", "gloom", "misery" more often than ever. The thing is, that's really how I feel. Besides, there's an unprecedented threat I'm facing - OSCA. As I've said, I've really lost even the tiniest bit of intention to study. In the old days I used to have company when I study. But in this December, I'm all alone. No one can blame me for continuously expressing my feeling of desolation. Or perhaps I don't need to care about that, because no one really cares.
And let's review some of the many hopeless moments I've mentioned in anzyme:
"Speaking of hopelessness, November has always been a hopeless month …" - Dec 2010
"There were times of depression and hopelessness …" - Oct 2006
"Can you feel how hopeless I am?"Jan 2009
"What is even worse is that if the previous Januaries had been gloomy, this one is pathetically hopeless." Jan 2010
Impressive, huh? Btw, since I feel hopeless, there's no possibility that I can create a good theme pix for this year's Christmas, since Christmas always symbolizes love and hope. Let's put up another old one which I love so much.
Sadness December 14, 2010
My life has been filled with sorrow lately. And I feel so bad that I begin to wonder: is it that my life is particularly unfortunate, or that I'm too prone to sadness? I've come to a conclusion earlier that everyone's life must have certain imperfections, even lives of those who always seems so satisfied, so happy. That's why I keep telling myself I shouldn't feel too bad. But I do, and things are getting worse.
Out of the many bad feelings I encountered lately, sadness, grief, desolation, bore, gloom, you name it, one thing is new: emptiness. Yea, whenever I sit there alone every night, I start to feel emptiness. Perhaps it originates from the guilt that I haven't studied much during the day, but the thing is, the fact that I don't study much is due to emptiness. So this is a vicious cycle, one that I have to overcome to prevent myself having to re-sit the OSCA.
I should feel some hesitation too, because we still don't know if we need to take the RPD remedial course. Well, this is really hard to tell.
Chrome app store, cloud computing December 11, 2010
First of all, I have to stress that I'm not so addicted to computer that I make frequent comment in this area. But recently as google reveals more of its planned new products, like the Chrome OS, Chrome notebook, web app store, etc., I begin to wonder, what is google up to?
Everything google does in the past few years, like google docs, google cal, picasa, android, … aims at moving users to a closer step towards fully implementing cloud computing. For those who don't understand what cloud computing really means, let me make it simple: cloud computing equals to a computer minus hard disk. You just need a browser to compute, and everything is stored on the web. This sounds convenient, and it is. Try to imagine: you're at a cafe, you don't have a computer/iPad with you. You need to do a task that needs some private data and exactly a few apps (e.g. K.Chan wants to blog, he needs a photo he took a few days ago, Anzyme's codes, and photoshop for photo editing). Instead of requring his own computer, he logs into a chrome notebook, and all his apps and data are instantly available. This is really convenient, coz in the future, no one needs to bring a laptop to work for familiarity; he just needs to log in to his office's browser and everything is the same as it is on his home's computer.
But looking deep, isn't this dangerous? I mean.. Everything is saved on the web, and you don't have a backup copy of your data. So loss of data is the first problem. What if the site suddenly cease to operate? And then there're privacy concerns, which I don't need to elaborate further. But there're more issues. By moving everything on the cloud, the operating company of that service owns and has access to all its users' data, knows what its users like and dislike, understands better the consumer behaviours, … These are valuable marketing information, and users are so much prone to potential "personalized" ads. What's worse, governments get access to all those data easily. Is this a good thing? I don't think so. It's a terribly dangerous thing.
Google's ambition of leading a paradigm shift of computing, i.e. moving everything on the cloud, is dangerous. In this sense, Google is even more evil than Apple - Apple invents products just to make money, but Google is trying to gain access to more and more information, and eventually, control everyone's lives. Don't let them do so. But how? I mean.. I've always said, Google could be a secret extension of the US government. How're we supposed to resist? Well, the first step is to stay within the Apple ecosystem, as long as possible.
A serious update December 10, 2010
Following a brief update two days before, I think it's time to blog seriously on a Friday night. One of the primary reasons for me, and everyone else, to blog less these days is the growing popularity of sharing on facebook and twitter. In the old days, my major platform for sharing my thoughts and photos, in detail, is this blog. Those sharings were really detailed, with the combination of shared pictures and my comments on a related incident; or my thoughts/hypotheses with elaboration. Or when I find an interesting site, I quote what I find interesting here in this blog instead of simply posting the link in twitter for audience to discover. Both the old and new ways of sharing have their pros and cons. The best thing about sharing on facebook and twitter is perhaps that everything is instant. You take a nice photo/read a funny web site/have some sudden upset feelings and you can instantly share with everyone else.
But this instantness is also the worst thing. Without elaboration of the shared content, the broader audience could easily misinterpret what the author thinks, or would simply be indifferent to that content, which would otherwise be interesting if readers know the story behind. And let's not talk about others. For me alone, sharing on facebook/twitter has wasted thousands of opportunities for me to update this blog and let its readers know how I feel lately. This isn't good. But, well, uploading photos from iPhone to facebook and twitter is so much fun, so I'm not going to give up =P What I'll do is try to blog more when I'm free, which will happen soon because reading break starts next week and I predict that I won't be so attentive to studying.
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Alright, let's talk about Christmas. Christmas is coming, and I've set up an album called "Let It Snow" on facebook to record everything I've encountered this winter. Nearly all photos there are taken by an app on iPhone called Hipstamatic. And they're really nice. Let's take a look at some of them. However, the highlight is one taken by my camera - FW's tree this year. Well, FW's tree is getting increasingly more unnecessary details, but as I walked through FW the whole theme (of unnecessary details) was consistent. This isn't a bad thing from the design principle point of view.. But I really like FW the way it was a few years earlier, especially in 2005 (see 1, 2, 3, 4). Anyway, here you are, photos adopted from Let It Snow album.
PS Me: The theme pix in Dec 2005 is so nice. I wish I could reuse that. Devil K: Why not? Angel K: But this is lazy. Kevin, don't.
Brief update December 8, 2010
So, I haven't updated for quite a while. And I need to do that to keep the popularity index functional. So, there were (66655-65422) 1233 visits in November, or about 36.3 visits per day. Thx.