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March 30, 2026
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K&C codename buddy

Aftershock
May 26, 2008

No, I'm not talking about Sichuan. There's been enough reports, enough critics, enough sadness about the quake. What I'd like to focus on is the aftershocks that happens on me...

I thought you guys should know that my mood was badly devastated last week. The effects of the series of tragedies still affect every minute of my life. I've tried hard not to remember any of the tragedies happened, I've tried hard to ignore any hard feelings that still leave behind, I've tried hard to avoid making the same mistake again, but it's hard, if not impossible. Sometimes, it's easy to convince yourself that being less sensitive is the best way to solve the problem. But the truth is, the more you'd like to let something go, the more you are strangled by that particular thing.

Sane
May 24, 2008

How to tell if someone is still sane?

The first thing you've got to look at is his eyes. The lucky ones who haven't suffered at all have bright and beautiful eyes. Light comes out from their eyes. They talk confidently, patiently, and with sense. Some have suffered a little. Their eyes are filled with grief, anger, and they're determined to strike back. But for the unluckiest, or the miserable ones, they have dull eyes that suck in any light shining on them. They feel hopeless, helpless, soulless... And there's little chance that they can wake up from their deep sorrow. How do we prevent ourselves from breaking down? Well, at least we have to acknowledge that we have such a problem.

Breaking down
May 23, 2008

I'm not kidding. I think I'm breaking down, so would someone please help?

Panic
May 18, 2008

Panic. It is the thing that affects our mood the most. Most of the time we face panic because we're up for minor challenges like exams. It soon fades as these challenges are dealt with easily. Occasionally we are more troubled because the apparently light shower turns into a big storm, but eventually the sun emerges from the silver linings of clouds. But sometimes, the panic we have arises from the deepest part of our soul. We may have once been hurt. The wound eventually heals, but the scar that remains keeps reminding us of our horrible past.

PS Perhaps you'll find it easier to relate to me if you read the text in the way each episode of Desperate Housewives ends.

Dinner at North Point
May 15, 2008

Well, requested by Cto, we had another superpass dinner at North Point today. It was an enjoyable one. Food there were not perfect, but when it comes to gathering with friends, food is not the priority.

We ordered six dishes, but there were eight of us. How were we supposed to be full? No, indeed we didn't. We went to CB afterwards. We took sticker photos, we car-raced at WTC, we had dessert at Fat Gay [發記], and we enjoyed ourselves. Where are we going to next time? We'll see..

Change
May 12, 2008

A leopard can't change its spots. [江山易改,本性難移] This is very true for most of us. No matter how hard we try, we just can't improve from our weaknesses, nor can we rectify our mistakes. But for a few lucky ones, they're able to wake up from their deepest mistakes. One of my F.3 students have exactly this experience recently.

He is one of the students being in my F.3 class since the very beginning. He used not to do anything during my lesson. Nothing, technically. He didn't listen, he didn't work on my exercises, he didn't speak, he didn't sleep... But then a group of boys and another 2 girls came changed everything. Perhaps it's because of his new "brothers", perhaps it's because of the two young ladies, he now finishes his work faster than anyone does. "What da heck.." I thought. "Perhaps he's just familiar with this chapter, that's all." "No, wait, he can also do this!" "He used to copy from others, but now his work is copied.." Things can change, huh?

Sadly, I still can't change myself.

PS Is that because I've installed Mac OS X Leopard?

Don't know why
May 11, 2008

I think I've mentioned that I keep being moody these days. Despite trying hard, I keep being negative. I keep foreseeing that bad things may happen, if not already happened. I keep being cautious too, which tortures me. Sometimes, I wish I were more of an ordinary person, having simplier thoughts. Sometimes, the ability of anticipation keeps us from danger, but most of the time, it drives us into danger.

I've disappeared for a few days. Well, I don't expect you guys to miss me a lot, but please at least drop by and see if I've updated my blog. That's what I do at my friends' blogs when I'm free these days. Exam will end soon for many of you, but for me, it's coming soon. I haven't started working hard yet, but I hope I will do so in a couple of days. For those whose exams will end soon, work hard; for those who have already finished their exams, congratulations. Enjoy your long vacation, enjoy your summer trip(s) for the luckiest. Mostlikely I won't have one this summer.

New job
May 7, 2008

Remember I mentioned about my new tutorial job? Teaching UE for a F.6 student. I know I'm ok for that, but that's not enough. I hope that I can work well with the student and the parent. Let's review tonight...

* * *
The student turns out to be ok.. He was not too bad at English, so we could still communicate. Maybe it should be me who should work hard and teach better, huh? I always want my students to capture A, because there's nothing else better than this, is there?

Distrust
May 6, 2008

Distrust, this is probably the worst thing when it comes to interpersonal relationship. When one cannot truly trust a person, how can they become real friends, and perhaps go beyond? In Chinese culture, there is one thing called 交心, which means you trust and rely on someone wholeheartedly without reservation. This is probably the first thing you need to do when you really want to make close friends..

Sadly, it's always difficult to follow what we believe in. Once we've set a goal, the one who stands in our way is always ourselves. Sometimes, we're so good at imagination that we keep distrusting people, even though they're trying to 交心. What's the key to easing our worries? Well, stop worrying about things that are based solely on assumptions.

Tutoring
May 3, 2008

I used to think tutoring is just a hobby, something that I do at my free time. I used to have enough money to spend so that extra money from tutoring is just extra money. Things have changed a bit now..

Tutoring is really like a job to me. A job that I put my emotions on. I now treasure my F.3 students because they behave much better than those F.1s from the other class.. Soon I'm not tutoring them anymore as they go to F.4 (I can't teach F.4 Math/Amath, after all..), what is it like next year? Will I be asked to teach another F.3 class, or will they send me to F.1?...

This leads to another problem: I keep thinking too much, too far. Some says I should really let go of things that are yet to happen. "Why don't you leave them until they really come?" But how could I? I can now foresee some problems, and I know they're going to happen, how can I not do something or at least be worry about them?

Need a break
May 1, 2008

I'm being quite moody these days. I konw I'm generally unhappy, and perhaps a bit dissatisfied. But about what? I don't know. That's the saddest part right? I've always regarded myself as a logical person. I need to and I can always figure out what's wrong, how did it went wrong, and what's going to happen. Exceptions occur though, like this time.. I don't know what's wrong, and then I will never find out how it went wrong unless I figured out the problem.. And then I don't know what's going to happen. Will I be happy tomorrow? Will I live happily thereafter? I don't know.. Sometimes I find myself too selfish, sometimes I find myself doing too much.. When will true happiness come? We first have to find out what true happiness is.

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